Fatal Promise

Story time! Today I'm going to talk about person who can hurt me the most in this world. She's everything I'm not. Beautiful, funny and charismatic. We have know for a while but like usually in my life I'm pushed away and forgotten in the end. 

Deadly Promise

Your name appears on my phone screen and the memories hidden in my heart hijack all sane thoughts in my head. The moments from past, emotions and a long ago forgotten promises. Last time we met I promised to myself let you go. Until then I had hanged on the vow I made for you years ago. My only mistake was never ask the same things from you.

I will never push you away. 

With my whole soul and body I will always be here for you. 

Even after years I want to be close to you and share all of your troubles and dreams. 

In the darkness of summer night my words sealed the route my steps would follow until my dying days. My hands work on their own and open your message. The words I told to you win towards the ones I vowed myself to keep. My heart has place only reserved for the one I will love forever. I can't never let go of you. 

"Yeah, I'm doing good. How about you?"

"Really? He's idiot! I hope you are okay :("

"Okay, I will see you tomorrow! Let's talk more then"

"Hi, where are you?"

"You are already ten minutes late."

"Why aren't you answering? I'm worried"

"Aaaa okay. Don't worry we can see some another day. :)"

"You were out late last night so try to rest. I will go shopping by myself or something :)"

Again, again and again my heart breaks down. I never learn. 

The Story of Our Nights

Hi! Because last night I couldn't sleep I ended up writing short story or something like that. I'm not good at writing in English so I am sorry already but I was too lazy to write anything that makes sense. So I decided that every Tuesday this blog is going to get post about my life in the shape of story.

The short text you are going to read is based on true story. It's parts of my diary from earlier of this year. If someone wants maybe I will tell more about this story to you in the future. I hope you like what you are going to read and critic is always nice to get.

The Story of Our Nights

My heart beats heavily and breathing is getting harder and harder the longer we stand here. The green eyes look at me and wait for my answer. The answer I can’t give. If we only had more time, more days to spend together. In the end he changes the topic. Invitation becomes question about the internet site I have been looking. Quick side glance to the computer reveals university logo and entrance exam info. I can’t remember what the heck I have been doing there before he came.

After my quiet confusing answer he is gone. After a while heart beats change to heart aches and breathing problems to want of dying. My brains chant same things over and over. Why can’t I talk normally, why why why? This was once in life time change. Not every day handsome nice guy suggests to cook for me. First time in my twenty years of living someone has been interested in me. As usually my awkward personality has destroyed everything.

Next day the boy is back. My heart beats and words don’t leave my mouth. He smiles and talks. Asks easy questions and tells things about himself. Everyone else has given up on me. He talks and asks even if the answering is more difficult than ever before for anyone. Night after night he smiles to me. We talk about little things. He doesn’t stop smiling and after while I can’t either.

If we only had time, I end up thinking more often when time runs from us. Day by day the end is nearer. The day I’m leaving and never seeing him again. At the day time I plan of answers for the question he asked in one of our first nights. Waiting makes me impatient but he never mentions it again. He just smiles and makes me smile. Smiling until the last night, until the last morning when he finds me before I’m leaving.

In movies we would kiss and he would make me stay here forever. In my life I walk to the bus and cry until there is nothing left. I go back home and only after five weeks of knowing him my heart doesn’t let me forget. In the late nights when my insomnia is taking over I go back to those nights. My heart beat and breathing can almost feel his smile. Memories can almost become the reality. Night after night in my dreams his last see you and smile become never ending movies. I regret today, tomorrow and maybe forever but never would take the change of forgetting him.