The Story of Our Nights

Hi! Because last night I couldn't sleep I ended up writing short story or something like that. I'm not good at writing in English so I am sorry already but I was too lazy to write anything that makes sense. So I decided that every Tuesday this blog is going to get post about my life in the shape of story.

The short text you are going to read is based on true story. It's parts of my diary from earlier of this year. If someone wants maybe I will tell more about this story to you in the future. I hope you like what you are going to read and critic is always nice to get.

The Story of Our Nights

My heart beats heavily and breathing is getting harder and harder the longer we stand here. The green eyes look at me and wait for my answer. The answer I can’t give. If we only had more time, more days to spend together. In the end he changes the topic. Invitation becomes question about the internet site I have been looking. Quick side glance to the computer reveals university logo and entrance exam info. I can’t remember what the heck I have been doing there before he came.

After my quiet confusing answer he is gone. After a while heart beats change to heart aches and breathing problems to want of dying. My brains chant same things over and over. Why can’t I talk normally, why why why? This was once in life time change. Not every day handsome nice guy suggests to cook for me. First time in my twenty years of living someone has been interested in me. As usually my awkward personality has destroyed everything.

Next day the boy is back. My heart beats and words don’t leave my mouth. He smiles and talks. Asks easy questions and tells things about himself. Everyone else has given up on me. He talks and asks even if the answering is more difficult than ever before for anyone. Night after night he smiles to me. We talk about little things. He doesn’t stop smiling and after while I can’t either.

If we only had time, I end up thinking more often when time runs from us. Day by day the end is nearer. The day I’m leaving and never seeing him again. At the day time I plan of answers for the question he asked in one of our first nights. Waiting makes me impatient but he never mentions it again. He just smiles and makes me smile. Smiling until the last night, until the last morning when he finds me before I’m leaving.

In movies we would kiss and he would make me stay here forever. In my life I walk to the bus and cry until there is nothing left. I go back home and only after five weeks of knowing him my heart doesn’t let me forget. In the late nights when my insomnia is taking over I go back to those nights. My heart beat and breathing can almost feel his smile. Memories can almost become the reality. Night after night in my dreams his last see you and smile become never ending movies. I regret today, tomorrow and maybe forever but never would take the change of forgetting him.

And so she starts...

This is my new blog about everything and anything. I can write here what ever I want and the grammar mistakes are more than acceptable. This is place where I'm going to say stupid thoughts straight from my mind  and if someone has complains feel free to tell about them. Also critic about my English skills is always welcome. -Be aware that mean comments are answered with irony and sarcasm-

So to get started I though introducing myself would be good idea. Because in the moment I'm bored unemployed youngster -well not so young really- this post is going to be a long one. If you don't have patience just skip to the bottom to read short version or just forget my blog altogether.

To make this as long as I can here is my alphabets to you:

Age - I'm twenty years old. How ever usually people expect me being older.

Brains - I think there is problems in my brains or I'm just fired differently than most of the people. I have so many "problems" or "abnormalities" that originate from brain. Or at least I think I have those things and if they are just my imaginary my brain makes me believe them. In the end there is always something wrong in my head.

Chained - this word because it's how I feel. Always in the bottom on my mind. I can run or stay still but in every case I feel chained in my life. It's the sense of not belonging in anywhere and not knowing what you want to do.

Dreams - one of the odds things my brains do is dreaming. I have always seen dreams I can remember. And I mean I see them every night. Every morning I hope to sleep a little bit more and live in those perfect worlds.

English - I have always been one of the worst English students in my class. I just don't get it. Nowadays I can read and understand fluently but my writing skills are horrible and fortunately you can't ask me to show my conversation skills from the other side of this blog post.

Finland - my home country. We have love hate relationship. Always there is this feeling of leaving in me and I never really feel homesick. In the other hand I have always loved the nature, the culture and even the gloomy unfriendly people.

Gypsy heart - I don't know if I use this word right way but this is the kind of heart I have. Wanderlust is strong in me. I need always something new to do, new places to see, interesting people to meet. Staying in one place is impossible.

Hiding - something I'm good at even without trying or wanting. I hide my feelings, opinions and the true me. I can disappear in anywhere. Be invisible. Hide from responsibilities and people who get too close to me.

Insomnia - yes, I have bad one. It's always been my company at nights and probably will be with me to the far future.

Japan - I just returned from three months trip to Japan. This land is my second home and the trip was my first ever alone and this long time away from home. Japan means growth to me but it's in my alphabets also because it's colorful popular culture. I like anime, manga, movies, music and TV-series this country has to give us. There is going to probably be too much talking about this in my blog.

The Golden Pavillion in Kyoto, Japan (Click to see bigger pic)
Even as the worst photographer ever I was able to took beautiful pics in this place

Korean pop - in the moment -the last five or more years- I'm totally hooked in the kpop so I felt the need to include it in my alphabets.

Love - I have always loved too much. I fall in love a little bit with everyone.

Music - is my life. I listen everything from Japanese rock to classical music. The most important thing for me is always have something to listen with me.

No - this short but important word is almost impossible for me to say. Whatever people ask I can't answer negatively.

Oreo - told easy way this means I have a sweet tooth.

Pet - I have a dog. It's cute and old and evil.

There she is right now. Staring me and planning the world domination

Quiet - this is the word other people usually use describing me.

Ring - or better said almost black ring -didn't want this to be second alphabet so...- This is something I have wanted to wear for ages but found courage to start using just two months ago. It should be black ring in your right hand middle finger however I have always been a little different. The meaning of this ring is being asexual. If you don't know what it means read next letter and use google. Because I'm not fully asexual I thought this ring would be perfect for me.

Sexuality - or my lack of it. The "story" of my sexuality is too long to tell in this post but in the short terms. I'm not attracted sexually to anyone -no men, no women, no children, no animals, no objects, etc.- The term for person like that is asexual (or for me demisexual or greysexual but it's hard to explain so let's just say asexual for now). Even if I don't want to have sex I am totally capable to love like I told in the section for Love.

Travel - in my life I have visited Barcelona, Gran Canaria, Egypt, Sweden and London with my family before I was sixteen. After turning eighteen and adult I went second time to the Barcelona but now with my friends. I also did two trips to see concerts in London and Berlin. At twenty years old we spent some family time in Paris -and Disneyland- And the latest one was my world changing lonely travel to the Japan: Tokyo, Kyoto.

Even adults can like Disneyland! (and get totally lost in Alice in Wonderland Labyrinth...)

University - I need to apply next spring but I don't really want to get in anywhere...

Vet - was my dream job for long time and now I'm not sure how to tell my family that it's probably not suitable one for me.

Writing - aka my passion. Only thing I feel like I can do better than average person. Only thing I can imagine myself doing the rest of my life. Also the one thing that doesn't make paying job in Finland.

X - it's just x because you can pronounce it like ex (am I right?). So let's talk about ex boyfriends, girlfriends and other relationships. This list is going to be short. -Never dated anyone-

Yoda - "Do or do not, there is no try."

Zoo - This is the last word because of two reasons. One: My life is like badly handled zoo, always in mess and putting visitors in danger. Two: I just really love visiting zoos and aquariums. When I go alone I can just spend hours and hours wandering around. -Note to no one: never take me to date there if you want to keep my attention in yourself-


THE SHORT VERSION:

Hi! I'm twenty years old loser who likes everything but can't do anything. If you continue following my blog you will probably see some epic travels, ranting about my pathetic life, reviews from movies to music videos and anything I want to show to my lovely -imaginary- readers.